Senator John McCain stole the spotlight with what will stand as the most memorable moment of the Republican Convention. McCain’s speech rallied the troops not to calls of Republican superiority, but to American steadfastness. “We are Americans first, Americans last, and Americans always” McCain affirmed. In a sobering moment McCain invoked the words of Franklin Roosevelt “Of some generations much is asked. To other generations much is given. This generation

Since losing the gold on a technicality, the Koreans have been fighting-mad. Now with neither side willing to share in the glory, Korea is on the attack using their trump card–Kung Fu. Fueled by fury, Moon Dae Sung(left, in red) crushed the competition and brought home a gold for South Korea. At the award ceremony, Moon was asked if this win eased Korean anger and if he harbored any ill-will

Miami based wholesaler, Lisy Corp. is recalling this toy(pictured left), which depicts the tragedy of Sept. 11th, only after receiving several customer complaints. Luis Padron, Lisy’s national sales manager, argued that their importer buys toys in bulk, sight unseen, so they hold the supplier responsible. If Lisy Corp. employed some quality control they wouldn’t need to dodge responsibility. Contact Lisy Corp.Miami-305- 836-LISY(5479)FAX-305-836-8752sales@lisycorp.com

Thursday, New Yorkers witnessed a rare celestial event, a morning moon. The less than celetial bodies (old & fat) are members of the activist group Act Up, a non-partisan group of individuals united in anger and committed to direct action to end the AIDS crisis, at least that’s what they claim. Act Up’s website sports the deflamatory images of republicans George Bush and Ronald Reagan, but you wont see any

Meet Officers Mochine, Linux, and Circuit, leave it to Hong Kong to make crime fighting funny. These knuckleheads are actually high-tech promotional tools created to teach children (ages 4-11) all about crime prevention. The star of the trio, Robotcop III (pictured left), takes center stage as the newest addition to the group and the first of the three to be designed and built locally. Robotcop III was designed by and

Contrary Senator John McCain’s appeals to ‘agree that the Vietnam War is over’, the recent attacks by partisan veteran advocacy groups have demonstrated the need for a recognized arbitrator. While the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) declined any official comment, Lame News was able to get this exclusive interview with war hero Cotton Hill (pictured left) of the Arlen, Texas VFW. Mark Putnam: Thanks for coming Mr. Hill, please tell

Joe Piscopo, funniest New Jesery zombie-cop (Dead Heat) ever, will announce his candidacy for Governor of New Jersey on NJN (public tv) sometime maybe. Piscopo says he was approached by ‘young businessmen’ who wish to remain anonomous, but that they like he are very concerned about the future of scandal-ridden New Jersey. Well if anyone can bring normalacy to the state it’s a zombie-cop. This news, which broke on Friday

You may have never seen a single cartoon, but say the words ‘Hello Kitty’ and multitude of merchandise comes to mind. Whether you longed for mom to get you that cute shiny plastic backpack bearing this kitsch cat or dreaded it for fear of school beatings, we’ve all been touched by this little lady (some more than others, check out this Hello Kitty underwear store minus the models). Now to

Rubbermaid Inc. stock quadrupled at China’s announcement that it will offically endorse dildos for Chinese consumption. China says each woman will be allowed only one dildo due to the country’s well-known closet space epidemic. When it was time to choose Miso Ho-Ne (pictured left) decided on widow-maker model saying it would be better at plowing her field. Due to the demand for this model China has ordered Yao Ming to

On Aug 3rd Hubble’s Space Telescope Imaging Spectrograph (STIS), which accounts for about 30 percent of all Hubble scientific observation programs stopped functioning. Only 4 of Hubble’s 6 gyroscopes are still operational, 3 of which are used daily and have estimated failure date of 2007. Even Hubble’s rechargeable nickel-hydrogen batteries are deteriorating. However, these breakdowns should come as no surprise as Hubble’s originally projected lifespan was 15 years, which it

Lamers rejoice, no longer must you divvy up your valuable time between sexual gratification and information saturation. Starting August 16th, you can head over to NakedNews.com and get the bare facts, but is coverage fair and balanced or is there a cover-up? A search of other so called ‘news sites’ like CNN and Reuters reveals a whole slew of coverage on Naked News, which is exclusively female, but not a

It’s been said that given enough time, monkeys randomly typing on typewriters could eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare. The only thing holding them back: MONKEY BUSINESS. Dr. Barry Richmond of the National Institute of Mental Health explains, “Like many of us, monkeys normally slack off initially in working toward a distant goal” (Reuters, 11 Aug 04). He goes on to say that when goals become tangible work

Or so some Chinese believe. The Flower Horn Fish’s massive melon is said to enhance its owner’s feng-shui (good mojo), but the real magic is in its horizontal black markings. Some of these marking resemble Chinese characters, and supposedly have predicted winning lotto numbers for their owners. The Flower Horn Fish is a Cichlid hybrid and although it has been bred for its horn, its size is at least partially

In just 50 years India’s population has more than doubled, thanks in part to Islamic teaching, which denounces the use of condoms. Now with a population estimated at nearly 1.1 billion, India has swelled beyond it borders. Unbelievably, many Indians such as Aasiyah Begum (pictured left), mother of two, are being forcibly displaced into water ghettos. India’s government has responded to concerns of shark attack by suggesting citizens “punch the

Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim is now running promos for the explosive last episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, scheduled to air midnight Aug 15th. Apparently, the team takes a trip up to the Hamptons in seperate yet identical vintage chevys, and all are destroyed in the process then Carl explodes. Doubts to the show’s cancelation remain as there are still four new episodes remaining, but naysayers should heed Master Shake’s