In just 50 years India’s population has more than doubled, thanks in part to Islamic teaching, which denounces the use of condoms. Now with a population estimated at nearly 1.1 billion, India has swelled beyond it borders.

Unbelievably, many Indians such as Aasiyah Begum (pictured left), mother of two, are being forcibly displaced into water ghettos. India’s government has responded to concerns of shark attack by suggesting citizens “punch the shark in the eye,” but critics warn that Hinduism forbids animal mistreatment.

President George Bush has promised his full support, donating his personal swim floaties and calling on all Americans to make this sacrifice. “It’s the least we can do after stealing the Indians land,” lamented Bush. Scientists warn that swim floatie production will not meet the needs of the ever growing population.

A population odometer is available for viewing at India Stat (, which read 1,074,885,958 at the publishing of this article.