CNN’s posterboy, Anderson Cooper has a secret: HE’S A WRAITH!

Oh sure he’d like you to believe that big hole in the side of his face is from surgery to remove a cancerous mole, but the evidence is undeniable. The pasty white skin. The generous amounts of hair product. The finely manicured nails. It all adds up.

Of course the surest sign of a Wraith is the vampiric suckers on their palms. And ask yourself have you ever seen Anderson Cooper’s palms? For your sake I hope you never do…