hack/slash annual suicide girlsI’ve never been a fan of Hack/Slash, but I found myself drawn to the Annual issue featuring Suicide Girls (I think you can see why). For those who don’t know, Suicide Girls is a website devoted to… shall we say “unique” models (i.e. lots of piercings/tats/dyed hair).

Boy was I disappointed.  Reading this was painful. It’s kinda like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but instead of vampires, goth girl Cassie Hack hunts undead being known as Slashers (hack/slash get it?). And this time around, Cassie must bare it all in order to draw out Diaboliq, a slasher & self-styled anarchist, who thinks that the women of the web have distracted him from his grand cause (naturally they all gotta die).

Now I’ll admit I wasn’t reading this for scares, which is good cause there were none, but you’d think a slasher story with pornstars would A.) be hot & B.) be funny. It wasn’t. I’m reminded of one scene in which Cassie’s dim-witted sidekick Vlad attempts to summarize the movie Bikini Carwash for her, “Hur. And then they install a two-way mirror in the training room. Hur. Boobies and funny hijinks” To which Cassie replies, “That’s it? That doesn’t sound very funny.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Apparently no one ever taught writer Tim Seeley – SHOW, DON’T TELL! Rather than see said “boobies” & “hijinks” the characters fequently recount events (hilarity does not ensue). For instance, one the Suicide Girls explains how a rubber “object” saves her from electrocution. It could’ve been a hilariously hot scene, instead Seeley counterintuitively leaves it up to the reader to imagine it.

For a slasher story it’s severely lacking in cleavage (both kinds). And while there are nudes of Cassie, they’re only thumbnails. If you wanna see the full-sized pictures you’ll have to sign up for Suicide Girls (5 bucks a month) and then head on over to Cassie’s profile. In other words it’s basically one big advertisement.