The USS Enterprise was the Love Boat of the 23rd century. Unfortunately, the crew always set their “phasers” to stun. Hustler however takes no prisoners with This Ain’t Star Trek XXX, a parody of the classic episode Space Seed in which we first heard the name Khannnnnnnnnn!!!

When the Enterprise comes across a ship adrift in space they find 3 very horny survivors: Khan (Nick Manning), Ruth (Jenna Haze), & Chandra (Sasha Grey).

Spock tries to interrogate Ruth, but the only one doing any extracting is her. Spock resists as first but quickly succumbs to his human side, even slapping her ass with a live long and prosper greeting.

And as if dealing with one horny Vulcan wasn’t enough, Chandra is experiencing the Pon Farr. Kirk (Evan Stone) incorrectly disputes this saying he thought Pon Farr was exclusive to males. To which Chandra replies “just fuck me.” Stone lays it on thick, acting I mean. He does surprisingly well at copying Shatner’s speech & mannerisms. But no one overacts like Nick Manning.

Back on the Enterprise Khan seduces Lt. McGivers (Aurora Snow) with a bad boy act that climaxes in a very (unintentionally) funny sex scene. It’s bad enough Manning sounds like Tonto from the Lone Ranger but his ‘oh face’ looks like he’s got lockjaw.

After they disengage, Khan unleashes a deadly virus throughout the ship. The only cure is a sudden rush of endorphins. Of course they could just use a hypospray, which Spock himself points out (at the end of the movie), but where’s the fun in that. The Doctor is in and he has his own injection (L7 World Unofficial Trailer right).

Dammit Jim. I’m a porn star, not a doctor!

Sadly Bones doesn’t say actually say that. What’s worse, Scotty & Sulu don’t see any action at all! And Scotty’s lines practically write themselves, “I’m giving her all she’s got!” And Sulu (George Takei) is a gay icon,  just imagine seeing him “swashbuckling” with Khan… on second thought.

In the end, this porn parody is long on porn (about 20 minutes per scene), short on parody which isn’t necessarily a bad thing given this stellar cast. Somehow Sasha Grey looks ever hotter with pointy ears. Oh and did I forget to mention, Jada Fire plays Uhura (and you know she’s good with tongues).