“It’s not just a shoehorn. It’s a shoehorn on a stick,” yells pitchman Gilbert Gottfried in the infomercial to end all infomercials. Although if you can’t bend over to use a shoehorn, which is superfluous enough by itself, how’d you put on your socks? The SockDini? But never mind the impracticality of it. Call right now and you’ll get a 2nd shoehorn on a stick for free! (in case your

Want to sleep with an anime character? Isshoni Sleeping: Sleeping with Hinako is the latest in a self-help series that features ample fan service to entice you to do what should come natural. It’s like Ambien for otaku. It starts off with Hinako acting like a little kid. She bashfully pulls her blanket over her head and occasionally peeks out at you. But as she falls asleep, her blanket inexplicably

The Horizontal Bar has been a part of the Olympics for over 100 years so why not the Vertical Bar? KT Coates, Director of Vertical Dance, is petitioning the International Olympic Committee to add pole dancing to the 2012 Olympics. “Here at Vertical Dance we have been pole dancing for a very long time, we feel that its about time that pole dancing was respected for what it actually is,

The future of $400 billion in federal funding could be determined by fortune cookies. Tsue Chong Co. is inserting messages like “Put down your chopsticks and get involved in Census 2010″ & “Real Fortune is being heard” into 2 million cookies shipping to Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Montana. The census cookies are part of a $340 million ad campaign to encourage people to fill out the form themselves instead of

Instead of worrying about whether Barack “Hussein” Obama was a secret Muslim, maybe we should have been worrying whether he was a secret blasian (black Asian). President Obama’s kowtowing goes way beyond blatantly bowing down to the Prime Minister of Japan. Japan & China are already the two largest creditors of U.S. debt but now we’re just throwing money at them. More than half of the $3 billion that we

Plenty of products say they’re spill-resistant but the Underfull tablecloth actually encourages spills. When wet the tablecloth reveals a hidden pattern, turning an embarrassing situation into conversation starter. “This creates stories and can contribute in giving the tablecloth sentimental value – important in a society where we seem to have an  increasingly superficial relation to the objects we surround ourselves with,” says Norwegian designer Kristine Bjadaal (kristinebjaadal.wordpress.com). Of course not

We already knew Seth Macfarlane didn’t vote for Sarah Palin. What with his suggestion that only Nazis would vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. But last night’s Family Guy got personal. In the episode titled “Extra Large Medium” Chris Griffin asks out a special girl named Ellen, the Down Syndrome daughter of the former Governor of Alaska. Ellen is pretty much a walking stereotype. She’s retard strong or as Stewie puts

When it comes to love, Chloe Sullivan just can’t catch a break from Smallville writers. First there was her unrequited love for Clark. Then Jimmy broke up with her over her relationship with Davis, who she was only with to save Clark. When she finally gets back with Jimmy, they kill him. But just when you thought Chloe couldn’t get any more pathetic, they turned her into a pedophile! In

Aqua Teen Hunger Force season 7 picks up right where season 6 left off.  Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad say goodbye forever and move… all the way to the other side of Carl’s house. It may have been predictable (link), but that didn’t make it any less funny. Plus we got cameos of objects & characters not seen in since their debut, like the Fargate, Mummy, & Squirrelly AKA Balloonenstein.

If you live in Australia, prepare to be suffocated by big fake boobs. The Australian Classification Board is banning small breasts because they encourage pedophilia. “We are starting to see depictions of women in their late 20s being banned because they have an A cup size,” warns Fiona Patten, Convenor for the Australian Sex Party (press release). “It may be an unintended consequence of the Senator’s actions but they are

After a year in office, President Obama is finally making good on his promise to repeal “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” which has discharged more than 13,000 soldiers since it was passed in 1993. Defense Secretary Robert Gates says “The question before us is not whether the military prepares to make this change, but how we best prepare for it.” Gates will conduct a yearlong review that will look at the

The Sentry may have more than just “godlike” powers. Dark Avengers #13 reveals the secret origin of the Sentry and MOSES! In a flashback (circa 1600 BCE) we discover that the same dark entity which possesses Robert Reynolds possessed Moses. In fact, it was this “Void” that was responsible for the biblical plague that killed all the Egyptian firstborns, which means either Moses was a false prophet or God is

The Illuminati, a superhero cabal consisting of Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Doctor Strange, and Black Bolt, decide the Hulk is too dangerous and shoot him into space to live the rest of his life on an uninhabited planet. But the Hulk struggles and knocks the rocket off course, sending him through a wormhole to the planet Sakaar instead. Weakened from the trip, he is enslaved and forced to compete in