Cap'n Crunch Not a Real Captain
Cap’n Crunch is a cereal liar according to Charisma Madarang of FoodBeast. His navy uniform has only 3 stripes stripes, which signifies the rank of commander explained Madarang.


The Pentagon says these are serious charges and they’re looking into it.


“We have no Cap’n Crunch in the personnel records – and we checked,” said Lt. Commander Chris Servello, director of the U.S. Navy’s news desk at the Pentagon. “We have notified NCIS and we’re looking into whether or not he’s impersonating a naval officer – and that’s a serious offense.”


The cereal company decided to milk the story by having its mascot respond directly to the accusations.


Cap’n Crunch tweeted, “Regarding today’s rumors… of course I’m a Cap’n! It’s the Crunch – not the clothes – that make a man. #PaidMyDues”


He added, “All hearsay & misunderstandings! I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew, which makes me an official Cap’n. #CrunchatizingRumors”


The cartoon character did acknowledged inconsistencies in his appearance during a press conference on The Cap’n Crunch Show.


“You may have noticed a few other things about me,” the naval officer shot back. “I have four fingers. My first mate’s a dog. My eyebrows are attached to my hat, for crunch sake!”


He ended by expressing his gratitude to all his mates, “Finally, I wish to thank those of you who have stood by me. I will forever be your Cap’n.”