It’s that time of year again:
L7 World‘s annual list* of the best commercial disclaimers, that fine print at the bottom of the screen that disavows everything you just saw on the screen. It warns viewers “do not attempt” to recreate the situations to avoid any liability in a possible lawsuit. The best of these are things you wouldn’t or couldn’t ever do.
Best Commercial Disclaimers of 2013:
Nissan Juke Commercial: Car does rail slides and jumps over buildings. “Cars can’t rail slide. Or jump over buildings.”
Nissan Rogue Commercial: Man and woman drive recklessly. They swerve and nearly drive into two trolley cars, which move out of way at the last second.
Nissan Rogue Commercial: “Professional driver. Closed Course. Do not attempt,” the commercial opens.
Commuters beat rush hour by driving up a ramp and landing on a train.
“Fantasy, do not attempt,” it warns repeatedly. “Fantasy, do not attempt. Cars can’t jump on trains.”
The car drives off the train and is followed by yet another warning. “Still professional on closed course. Do not attempt.”
Nissan Rogue Commercial: Car chase with gangsters. “Professional driver. Closed Course. Do not attempt.”
Full version online include full-size disclaimer.
“The following is a series of staged events. The stunts are conducted on a closed course using professional drivers. The cars have been modified for this video. Do not attempt. Driving is serious business and requires your full attention. Obey all traffic laws, always drive safely, wear your seat belt and please don’t drink and drive.”
Allstate Insurance Commercial: Mayhem pretends to go into labor while his husband frantically drives to the hospital. “Do not attempt.”
Allstate Insurance Commercial: Mayhem falls down the stairs. “Do not attempt.”
Allstate Insurance Commercial: Mayhem rides in the back of a pickup truck with unsecured belongings that fall off. “Demonstration only. Do not attempt.”
Allstate Commercial: Mayhem becomes a human jumper cable. “Demonstration only. Do not attempt.”
Allstate Commercial: Mayhem becomes human grill in car, which explodes. “Demonstration only. Do not attempt. ”
Allstate Commercial: Mayhem pretends to be a bag of trash that is thrown from moving car into the street where he’s run over then hauled off by hungry bears. “Always obey all traffic laws. Demonstration only. Do not attempt.”
Progressive Insurance Commercial: Man feels so empowered by Progressive Insurance that he tells a chainsaw juggler to let him try. “Professional stunt. Do not attempt.”
Progressive Insurance Commercial: People jump on moving car and use their mouths as suction cups. “Professional stunts. Do not attempt.”
Ford Fusion Commercial: Car drives off cliff and keeps going without falling like Wile E Coyote. “Fictionalized. Professional on closed course. Do not Attempt. Cars Cannot Fly”
Ford Focus Commercial: Vampire hangs onto car. “Do not attempt.”
Bosch Wiper Blades Commercial: Man drives on an indoor test course and hits things like a SUV and tree. “Dramatization.”
Farmers Insurance Commercial: Car drives into house and on lawn. “Professional stunt. Do not attempt.”
Farmers Insurance Commercial: Man drives off cliff after golf ball hits his windshield. “No one was harmed in this crash. It is merely an example of what could happen if you mess with Dick Fowler, P.I.”
Farmers Insurance Commercial: Spokesman hits roller skating thief in the head with a football and kids jump on a trampoline. “Do not attempt.”
Farmers Insurance Commercial: Man eats Chinese food with chopsticks while driving. “Do not attempt.”
Farmers Insurance Commercial: Robot driver rear ends car. “Robot depicted as uninsured motorist only. Farmers Insurance does not insure any form of robot or non-human.”