Guillermo del Toro’s hit series The Strain re-imagines vampires with tentacle tongues but he introduces his scariest vampire in the aptly named episode “Gone Smooth.” Rock star Gabriel Bolivar (Jack Kesy) already looks like death before he’s infected by the vampire virus but his pale skin is just part of his act. He’s shocked when he washes it off the makeup and discovers what’s underneath is even worse. His doctor initially prescribes some drugs but then recommends a trip to the hospital after Gabriel disrobes. The celebrity worries that pictures of his privates will end up Gawker so decides to wait for a urologist to make a house call, which comes a little to late. We hear him urinating followed by a horrifying plopping sound that is penis falling off. The vampire nonchalantly flushes the now useless appendage. Gabriel turns around to reveal he’s smooth like a Ken doll. Hopefully, he can get some makeup tips from fellow vampire Thomas Eichorst (Richard Sammel), who uses a fake nose to disguise his deformity before going out in public. Noseless, dickless vampires could signal the twilight of the love affair with the creatures.
The Strain airs Sunday 10 p.m. on FX.