[spoilers]

As an epic battle between the Monarch, the O.S.I, and an army of Hank & Dean clones ensued, Henchmen 21 & 24 monitored the carnage from the safety of the Monarch mobile or so they thought. When H.E.L.P.eR (rigged to explode) hijacked their ride, Number 24 found himself unable to escape in time due to a jammed seat belt. Leaving his bewildered buddy bawling “Why did you buckle up? Why would you do that?”

Why indeed.

It just doesn’t add up. First off, long before the Monarch mobile explodes we clearly see that the detonation device has been left unattended. So who blew it up? Now while it’s true that Doctor Mrs. The Monarch had been sitting on the device, the possiblity of her accidental triggering it only works if there was a time delay, which seems unlikely since there was no clock on the bomb. On top of that just as the bomb explodes we see (what looks like) Number 24 calmly exiting the car despite the fact that he and Number 21 were there when the Monarch explained that he had booby trapped H.E.L.P.eR. And what happen to the jammed seat belt?

I don’t know whose decapitated head that was but it sure wasn’t Number 24’s

I simply refuse to believe 24’s dead. I think he faked his own death. After all, he and Number 21 have survived stickier situations than that. Even the Monarch described them as having “the rare blend of expendable and invulnerable that makes them the perfect henchmen.” Besides what’s 21 without 24? It’s like Costello without Abbott. You might as well have killed them both, and frankly they’re just too popular for that. Luckily we won’t have to wait long to find out the truth - Season 4 starts Fall 2009!

Krauser formed DMC after escaping from prison for killing and then raping his parents. And even though it’s all an act, Negishi just can’t seem to his two worlds separated. Even when the KISS-inspired face paint comes off Negishi inevitably ends up slipping back into character which makes for some awkward but very funny situations.

It’s like an anime version of Metalocalypse except it doesn’t suck! You can download the preview special here (torrent).

Randomness:

• accidental rapes - 1.5
• @1:55 there appears to be graffiti on the wall of Ryuk from Death Note
• KISS frontman Gene Simmons will star as the Demon God of Rock and Roll in a live-action adaptation (due out later this week)!

But just like the previous Futurama movie, Bender’s Big Score, all these subplots come together brilliantly. Fry finds it difficult to share his love and ends up throwing himself through the rift where he meets Yivo, a planet-sized tentacle monster that wants your body… sexually. This unstoppable sex-machine returns to Earth and uses his tentacles to penetrate that most sensitive of spots - the cervical vertebrae. And thus with a tentacle sticking out of the back of every man & woman The Beast with a Billion Backs is born!

And like in any respectable hentai, once penetration has occurred they love it. Everyone except Leela, of course, who uses her patented style of karate & sass to make the galactic rapist see the error of his ways. Still Yivo remains undeterred, and unlike your typical tentacle monster proceeds to woo the world. Talk about a “happy-ending” But can anyone really be happy without Bender. In a word: Hell no meatbags! So it’s up to Bender to kill all the humans or save ‘em, whichever. It’s sorta like one of those old Twilight Zone episodes where you keep waiting to find out the alien’s secret evil plan, only to find out we’re the bad guys or at least our robots are. Definitely worth watching (unofficial trailer right).

Muslim audience? The anime series is 7 years old! And the protests began only after it was posted youtube. So either Muslims weren’t buying it or didn’t have a problem with it.

And they shouldn’t have a problem with it. Why can’t a Muslim be portrayed as a bad guy? Like it’s such a stretch (zing). Had these fanatics actually watched the series, they’d know that the villain couldn’t be less Muslim - he’s a British vampire!

In fact the book in question, which is never named, wasn’t intended to represent the Koran. The non-Arabic speaking staff unknowingly inserted passages from the Koran in order to fit the Egyptian setting. Nevertheless, Sheikh Abdul Hamid Attrash, chairman of the Fatwa Committee at Al-Azhar, declared “This is an insult to the religion and the producers would be considered to be enemies of Islam.”

Keisuke and his uncle Shotoku run the Rape agency, a sort of perverted A-team, and if you can find them and you’ve got a rape-worthy offense then maybe you can hire Rapeman. And with all the proceeds going to the Orphanage that raised Keisuke, your rape is completely tax deductible! (but not recommended)

Unfortunately for Keisuke the cases his Uncle accepts are often dubious at best (e.g. raping: a gold digger girlfriend, a boyfriend stealer, a lesbian wife, etc.) and in a setup Rapeman is up getting caught with his pants down, literally. In his quest to retrieve the incriminating photos Keisuke discovers he was but a pawn in a sinister scheme to blackmail the woman’s husband who’s running for office (oops). Now Rapeman must dispense justice the only way he knows how! (hard & fast)
 
Despite what you might think, it isn’t a porno per se. The rape scenes, of which there are few, are relatively tame and use a lot of slow motion & cut-aways (sample right minus the nudity). In fact between Keisuke’s surprising naiveté and his uncle’s antics, you’ll laugh more than anything else. Can’t recommend this one enough, but avoid the hentai version which utterly lacks the story or humor you’ll find here. There’s a total of 11 movies in the series. Unfortunately, only 1-4 are subbed & although you can find 2-4 on the internet with a little effort (emule) the quality is poor.

Note: Sadly Hiroyuki Okita, the actor who played Rapeman, hanged himself in back ‘99.
 

Adult Swim is airing new episodes of Shin-Chan Saturdays @ Midnight EST. I’m so happy, I could do the ass dance!

The new season kicked off with “Shin Wars” an outrageous Star Wars parody makes Spaceballs look tame (see clip below). If you haven’t seen this cult classic yet now’s a great time to start. You can see the whole episode @ Adultswim.com

Takumi immediately befriends Hayami, the town outcast, despite her pleas for him to stay away. Whereas Hinata, the village leader’s granddaughter, goes out of her way to get close to Takumi. Otoha… well she’s a ghost that only Takumi can see! And after a little divine intervention Takumi gets his sight back.

Then things really get complicated!

Takumi discovers the village’s animosity towards Hayami hearkens back to when her family literally nickel-and-dimed the village to death for their medical services. But apparently burning down Hayami’s house and killing her family wasn’t payback enough! From there it’s just one twist after another.

Convoluted doesn’t begin to describe H2O. It’s not that it’s bad. It just would’ve been so much better if they hadn’t tried to squeeze 2 seasons worth of plot into 12 short episodes. And halfway through the series there’s a completely incongruent magical girl episode, which seems to be a manifestation of mental breakdown by Takumi. However, by the end of the series we witness more dubious magic that casts doubt on that theory. What’s real and what’s not? That’s what you’ll be left asking yourself. But if you like your romantic comedies a little on the dark side, like guys using a girl as a punching bag kinda dark (video right) then surf on over to Cruchyroll.com for some refreshing H2O.

The funny thing is she’s got it coming to her. Much like her mother, Punie’s magical girl appearance belies her true nature. Punie believes might makes right. And she’s just as likely to lay the smack down on you with her arsenal of bone-crushing submission holds as she is to charm you with her kawaiiness (that’s cuteness for the otaku-impaired).
 

Dai Mahou Touge is a riot. There’s no real story, just a bunch of zany situations like magical trains that are powered Flintstones style except with slaves. Kinda reminds me of Family Guy. There’s even a little anthropomorphic dog-like creature. Paya, who unwillingly serves as Punie’s mascot, secretly plans her demise when he’s not doing his Pikachu impression that is.
 

If you’re still on the fence, check out this side-splitting scene (video right) in which magically imbued veggies willing offer themselves up for Punie’s lunch. Then head over to Crunchyroll and watch it for free! Sadly it’s a short series, only 8 12-minute episodes and 4 omake (bonus) 2-minute episodes.
 

Unfortunately the movie doesn’t do this love triangle justice. Sure it goes through the motions. Briareos and Tereus realize just how alike they are. Duenan “gets confused” (as she puts it) with her emotions. Briareos and Tereus scuffle. Yada yada yada. You never really care, but you should. Deunan didn’t fall in love with a cyborg! She stayed with the man she loves despite his becoming a cyborg. (see video below) And here you’ve got this guy that looks and sounds just like him (pre-op) but she never acts on it. BULLSHIT. At the very least you’d think Briareos would take some of his jealousy out on her. But no, he soldiers on.

Perhaps it was the hackneyed plot that got in the way of developing the characters. Right off the bat, Deunan asks her friend Hitomi about an strange earpiece everyone seems to be wearing. Shocked by her L7ness, Hitomi conveniently explains to Deunan (and the audience) that it’s called the Connexus, the most advance personal mutlimedia terminal ever made (take that iphone). Best of all, it’s open source! Hmm… Everyone’s got a rewritable computer program plugged into their brain. Yeah that won’t end badly.Even the villain is painfully predictable. Let’s see, who could be responsible for the ensuing brain-hack? Could it be the one and only scientist/doctor we see for the entire movie: Dr. Kestner. He carries out his insidious plan all while working as ES.W.A.T.’s head physician but he isn’t fooling anyone, well except for all the automatons that populate this utterly unbelievable world.
 

Even if you’re watching this solely for the mechas, you’re gonna be disappointed. The action pales in comparison to the first movie. Throughout the movie they lazily reuse mechas like a construction robot that wasn’t even that cool the first time they fought it. And in what should be the most exciting scene, the final battle, they fight what looks like flying forceps. Final rating: B for busted.
 

And here I thought Justice League: The New Frontier was violent, what with its implied genocide and the subsequent sexual enslavement of female villagers. But that’s nothing compare to the blood fest (disembowelments, decapitations, cannibalism) that is Turok: Son of Stone. Then again what do you expect when Indians & Dinosaurs cross paths. Of course, it’s about more than just that. The crux of of the story is about how Turok comes to terms with his anger management issues by kicking a little tail.

While defending himself against another tribe, Turok loses control and in his rage nearly kills his own brother along with the aggressors. Fearing retribution the village exiles Turok. It doesn’t help. Years later, Chichak (the son of the man Turok killed) slaughters the village and kidnaps Turok’s sister-in-law Catori. And so Turok with his nephew Andar in tow chase Chichak into the mysterious Lost Land.Surprisingly the dinosaurs get very little screen time, but what little there is comes off big. If it bleeds Turok can kill it. If has a back Turok can ride it. His fearless is even more impressive when you realize he has no idea what a dinosaur even is and as far as he knows he’s in the Underworld and these are demons.

But the real demon is Chichak, who is even willing to kill the cavemen he allies himself with in the Lost Land. Whereas the dinosaurs are simply doing what they were made to for, as is explained to Turok by strange shaman in a vision. The pacing is perfect and conclusion of Turok’s inner & outer journey doesn’t feel forced as is often the case in cartoons. Not only was this a great movie, the DVD (out now) includes a nice 20 minute commentary on the history of Turok from his beginnings as a comic in the 50s and revival in the 90s to the video game series that he spawned.  Turok: Son of Stone - gets 10/10 little Indians.