Some economists think the recession could be over in months, but the government isn’t counting on it. In anticipation of mass suicides, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has launched a new website for “Getting Through Tough Economic Times” (samhsa.gov/economy). “The guide is a quick and easy tool that people can use to better manage their emotional well-being. By helping people remain resilient, we can help promote

Barack Obama is known for being well-spoken, at least when his teleprompter is working. Without it he’s  like a deer in headlights, stuttering and seemingly lost in thought. But apparently even with the teleprompter he has trouble. At a St. Patrick’s Day celebration at the White House, President Obama mistakenly read the Irish Prime Minister’s speech, opening with “First, I’d like to say thank you to President Obama.” He actually

Islamic fundamentalists have already succeeded in passing a non-binding resolution on “Combating the Defamation of Religion” in part due to 42 abstentions. It “Urges all States to provide, within their respective legal and constitutional systems, adequate protection against acts of hatred, discrimination, intimidation and coercion resulting from defamation of religions.” Now the United Nations is considering making that resolution binding. If passed “anti-blasphemy laws” would effectively criminalize freedom of speech.

You know the economy is bad when the White House gets a foreclosure notice. Fortunately for Obama this White House is in Atlanta, Georgia. McMansion builder Fred Milani built the  1/3 size replica, complete with Oval Office, because he believed “it was Jesus’ plan.” Milani is $1.75 million behind on his loan, but an activist group called A Mighty Move of God (AMMOG) convinced the bank to work something out

Like so many commemorative plates & coins, comics are cashing in on Barack Obama. Spidey Meets the President! is a back-up story in Amazing Spider-Man #583 that reads like one those old Hostess cakes advertisements, which I guess makes Obama a Ding Dong. You know, black on the outside, white on the the inside (zing). The 5-page story takes place on inauguration day. Moments before Obama can be sworn in,

“It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America,” says Hustler’s Larry Flynt. He and “Girls Gone Wild” creator Joe Francis are asking for a $5 billion bailout to help stimulate the porn industry, which is down 22%. But Congress isn’t about to get screwed (again). Any bailout will be conditional on cutting the fluff. Fortunately, Congressman Barney Frank has graciously offered to “lend a hand” (zing)

America is winning over more than just hearts and minds in the War on Terror. The CIA is offering Viagra to Afghan warlords who stand up to the Taliban. “Whatever it takes to make friends and influence people — whether it’s building a school or handing out Viagra,” said a CIA operative. The warlords (many of whom had never heard of the drug) are now free to have as much

New York Governor David Paterson doesn’t see the humor in last week’s  Saturday Night Live, calling it “third-grade humor.” SNL cast member Fred Armisen portrayed the governer as a bumbling blind man, which is to say accurately. Paterson, who often pokes fun his blindness, says “I don’t mind that they make fun of me, but I thought it was important to speak up for those who don’t have a voice

“Join the gaylactic community or we’ll destroy Uranus!” Happy “Day Without a Gay” everyone! What’s “Day Without a Gay” you ask? Why it’s only the best Christian holiday ever! It’s magical time when all the gays are whisked away in a sort of gay rapture. Self-confessed sodomite Sean Hetherington came up with idea and the color-coordinated website (daywithoutagay.org) in response to Proposition 8, which came just sort of banning gays

With America’s historic election of its first black president, inquiring minds want to know… Who’ll be the First Dog? My vote is for Aibo. This robotic dog is a perfect match for the tech savvy president-elect. Aibo is 100% hypoallergenic and comes with several preprogrammed catch phrases, just like Barack Obama

In recent elections many celebrities have threatened to leave the country should their opponents win, but none have followed through… until now. Racist Frankenstein announced today that he is renouncing his citizenship. In an exclusive interview with L7 World he explains why. Mark: Thanks for joining us today Racist Frankenstein. Before we get started how was your Halloween? Racist Frankenstein: Mmmm… great. Me go as most scary thing of all:

They might not be the most coveted voters, but ironically the homeless may decide who moves into the White House next year. In a landmark ruling this week, U.S. District Judge Edmund Sargus ordered swing state Ohio not to reject ballots that fail to list a home address (i.e. homeless). But not everyone is applauding  the decision, Deputy Chairman Kevin Dewine (R) alleges “People are being bribed with cigarettes, money

When McCain volunteer Ashley Todd reported she’d been attacked by a black man, many people readily jumped to her defense but just as many had doubts, specifically cable news anchors like Anderson Cooper & Keith Olbermann. They contended that she had made it up, reasoning the B that had been carved into her cheek was backward because she had done it herself in a mirror. Of course, they turned out

At last night’s charity roast in New York, Barack Obama took time out to poke fun of himself, revealing he really is out of this world (video below). But if Obama’s Superman, does that make McCain Batman or Lex Luthor? Like Batman, McCain is rich, bad-tempered, and has a much younger sidekick who looks good in tights. On the other hand, McCain’s is attacking Obama so surely he must be

Publisher IDW is showing its true colors with Presidential Material, a 2-issue biographical comic book on candidates Barack Obama & John McCain. At first glance it seems nonpartisan. The covers, which show each man doing his best impression of Superman, are identical. But while both describe each man’s ups and downs, McCain’s bio is clearly lopsided. And it’s not just the abundance of unflattering facts like McCain’s unlucky streak with planes