They’ve put out a video (below) that asks its members to pray for rain during Barack Obama’s coronation… I mean, nomination at the Democratic Convention in Denver. And not just rain, but “umbrella ain’t gonna help you rain, swamp the intersection rain, network cameras can’t see the podium rain, attendees can’t walk back to the indoor arena without wish for hip waders’ rain, God doesn’t care about black people kinda rain”

Ok, I made the last one up. But you get the idea, they really wanna rain on Obama’s parade. Just one problem - Rainbows!!! Can you imagine the reaction if a rainbow formed over Obama? In the prophetic words of Hillary Clinton, “The skies will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing and everyone will know we should do the right thing and the world will be perfect.”

Muslim audience? The anime series is 7 years old! And the protests began only after it was posted youtube. So either Muslims weren’t buying it or didn’t have a problem with it.

And they shouldn’t have a problem with it. Why can’t a Muslim be portrayed as a bad guy? Like it’s such a stretch (zing). Had these fanatics actually watched the series, they’d know that the villain couldn’t be less Muslim - he’s a British vampire!

In fact the book in question, which is never named, wasn’t intended to represent the Koran. The non-Arabic speaking staff unknowingly inserted passages from the Koran in order to fit the Egyptian setting. Nevertheless, Sheikh Abdul Hamid Attrash, chairman of the Fatwa Committee at Al-Azhar, declared “This is an insult to the religion and the producers would be considered to be enemies of Islam.”

Although the soldier has been reprimanded and removed from “the honor of serving in Iraq” Khalaf al-Elyan, a senior Sunni Arab lawmaker, is demanding he stand trial, saying “It is a dangerous case, we had been silent and accepted the killing of our sons, the destruction of our homes and the theft of our money but we do not accept insults to the holy Koran.”

Way to have your priorities straight. Your children get killed no problem, but a book gets shot and you’re up in arms literally. And we’re stealing your money? We’re still paying for Iraqi reconstruction while they stockpile billions in oil revenue, but I digress. Why should we apologize for the Koran being desecrated? Did Iraqis apologized when they burned the American flag and President Bush in effigy or when the charred bodies of Blackwater contractors were strung up from a bridge in Fallujah?

Obviously it was a stupid thing to do, but altogether understandable. These guys are getting blown up, naturally they want to lash out. It’d be great if Al Qaeda had a secular symbol like the Nazi swastika but they don’t so deal with it Muslims - don’t act in same fanatical manner as those you claim have hijacked your religion and you say don’t represent you!

The unnamed soldier did apologize, explaining “My actions were shortsighted, very reckless and irresponsible, but in my heart (was not) malicious.” Still waiting on that apology from the people of Fallujah though.

Blech points to the scene of the Prophet Zechariah, which he says is actually a likeness of Pope Julius II and that one the angels hovering over him appears to be giving the fig sign, the Renaissance equivalent of the middle finger (digitally enhanced photo left). Blech alleges Michelangelo did this as retaliation for the Pope strong-arming him into painting the Chapel’s ceiling despite his lack of experience & interest in painting frescoes.

But once again the media is pulling its punches when it comes to Barack Obama. The worst offender - Keith Olbermann, host of MSNBC’s Countdown. Only 1 day after lambasting Hillary Clinton for not sending Ferraro to the gallows (see Worst Person in the World), Olbermann showed his true colors in an ‘interview’ (if you can call it that) with Obama (video below).

Olbermann referred to Wright’s rants, which included: the government creating AIDS, 9/11 was nothing compared the Hiroshima & Nagasaki and we had it coming to us anyway, and the United States sponsors terrorism against the Palestinians, as “strong material”. Worse, he didn’t even ask any follow-up questions like how Obama could be a member of this church (a church that honored Louis Farrakhan) for 20 YEARS, and claim that this is the first time he’s heard any hateful speech. Instead, Olbermann defended Wright by asking one of his political pundits whether he was just hamming it up for the cameras, as if that would make it any less vile. Congrats Olbermann you’ve finally made the switch from quasi-reporter to full-fledged mouthpiece.

March 6th 2008. A day that will live in infamy. During the Care Bears’ weekly caring seminar, the aptly named Martyr Bear blew himself up killing all but Good Luck Bear (naturally).

Police say Martyr Bear, born Muhammad Al Derka, swallowed a pawful of ball bearings, entered the seminar, and initiated a Care Bear stare. Respecting the wishes of the of family (Care Bear Cousins) L7 World has decided not to post pictures of the aftermath. Needless to say, stuffing was everywhere.

Much like the Puritans, Muslims seem to see evil everywhere but themselves. A modern day witch trial is taking place right now in Saudi Arabia. Fawza Falih is currently awaiting execution for practicing witchcraft. The evidence? Robes hung a door, money in pocket, neighbors who claim she made them impotent, and a confession given after she was beaten for 2 weeks. But it’s not surprising they believe in witches, the Muslim version of Dr. Wizard believes the Earth & Sun are flat. Basically he says the reason objects “seem” to appear from the beneath the horizon is because you’re seeing them with the top half of your eyes, which are higher up. The bottoms of your eyes are closer to the ground so they can’t see the object until it gets closer.

So here’s the deal Muslims don’t do anything crazy for 30 days (starting Feb 18th 2008) and I’ll take down L7 World’s Muslim bear mascot, but if you mess up again I’m gonna strap a bomb to his furry belly and blow him up. And since Allah and Muhammad are currently the top choices in the naming poll that’s bad news bear for you! Talk about high stakes - I can hardly bear it. But knowing Muslims innate insanity this is barely a bet. [puns end here]

Funny how when he was asked what would Jesus do with regards to the death penalty during the CNN debates, Huckabee said “Jesus was too smart to ever get into politics.” You gotta love convenient convictions.

Poor Pete’s been through a lot in the past year: having his secret identity revealed, becoming a fugitive, trademark infringement on his costume by the Scarlet Spiders, and to top it all off his adoptive mother Aunt May was shot and put into a coma! But that all changes in Amazing Spider-Man #545.

Pushed to his limit Peter will do anything to save Aunt May: run guilt trips on Tony Stark, steal from Tony Stark, beat up Tony Stark, even do non-Tony Stark related things like consult psychics, but just when all hope seems lost, who should show up, but the retcon monster - Mephisto (aka the Devil) ! All Peter & MJ have to do is renounce their love & memories of each other for all time past/present/future and Mephisto will not only save Aunt May, he’ll make everyone forget Spider-Man’s identity. Is the Devil fair or what?

Not! After begrudgingly agreeing to his terms the King of Zing quickly finalizes the contract but not before showing them the daughter they’ll never have now. Duh, play with the Devil you’re gonna get burned.

But would any sane person really take such a dubious deal? Even Mary Jane initially tries to dissuade Peter, pointing out Aunt May’s age. I mean, what is she like 120 now? Of course, Peter contends that he could accept her death if it were the result of natural causes, but since she was shot because of Spider-Man, he couldn’t live with that.

UMM… HELLO!? Did Peter just spontaneously forget about Uncle Ben and how he died as a result of Spider-Man’s inaction! So I ask you, what’s so great about May Park anyway: all those times she insulted Spider-Man before she knew who he really was, her condemnation of Peter when she found out he was Spider-Man, or all the times Peter had to save her sorry geriatric butt? Congrats May Parker for 46 years of being in the way you win the L7 World No-Prize.

[Where are the Monitors when you need 'em]