MSNBC recently announced it’s replacing Dan with Rachel Maddow (aka Olbermann-lite). Seems Dan has no intention on bowing out gracefully and is laying his cards on the table.

When time tears itself apart and dinosaurs roam the streets of London, who you gonna call?

Why the motley crew of civilians who discover the anomalies (time portals) of course.

Not very likely you say? Get use to it. Not only does the British Military often defer to Professor Nick Cutter, whose judgment is anything but strategic (i.e. engaging the dinosaurs unarmed), but at one point they’re even prepared to let his goofy student Conner take charge of the operation. I just thank god SNL’s Brian Fellow didn’t happen upon the anomaly.

As for comparisons to other time-travel series like Doctor Who & Torchwood, they’re completely unfounded. Primeval lacks both the adventure and humor of Doctor Who & the passion and action of Torchwood.

It’s all very monster of the week. A dinosaur appears, they catch it and conveniently return just before the portal closes. If you like Discovery Channel’s Dinolab you’ll probably like Primeval, otherwise don’t expect much. After 2 seasons little has been resolved. Primeval airs Saturdays @ 9pm EST on BBC America (preview right).

Mars’ ballsy new spokesman: Mr. T wants you to “Get Some Nuts!” A new Snickers commercial (video below) shows Mr. T using his big gun to pound an effeminate speedwalker from behind with snickers bars.

But Mars pulled the ad after receiving complaints calling it gay bashing. And here I thought “the gays” enjoyed taking nuts to the face.

The truth is the commercial isn’t anti-gay, it’s pro-man. The campaign couldn’t be more clear: “Get Some Nuts” (i.e. balls). Mr T. isn’t attacking the sissy because he’s gay, he’s attacking him because he’s a sissy. There’s even a alternate version of the commercial in which Mr. T confronts a crybay who hurts himself playing soccer. And while you could legitimately argue soccer’s gay (cause it is), Mr. T doesn’t attack the whole team just the whiner.

But unlike homosexuals, Mars isn’t taking this taking this lying down! (zing) They’ve made a flash game (below) where you can play as Mr. T and coldcock pussies and bitches, by which I mean cats & dogs of course. I guess what I’m trying to say is “I pity da fool who calls Mr. T a homophobe!”

Taco Bell even offered to donate 10Gs to the rapper’s favorite charity as an incentive. But instead 50 Cent is gonna nickel-and-dime them in court, asking for $4 million in damages. Let us hope this hard-shelled gangstar can lighten up so we can wrap up this cheesiness.

The merciless massager pulls back the animal’s tail & violently stikes it on the back. The camera quickly cuts to an ambiguous looking hole and out flies a bottle of hair spray, which according to the announcer does double “duty.”

Of course, it’s just a kangaroo’s pouch but misunderstandings are understandable with such an unrecognizable mascot.

Now they’re at it again with perhaps the most innocuous word possible for the male genitalia, and it’s just nuts! For Christ’s sake I feel like I’m watching the freaking Wheel Of Fortune every time I see ‘n_ts’ pop up on the screen. They’re stumbling over themselves trying to convey the word without actually saying, and it’s just embarrassing. But kudos to MSNBC for calling CNN out on this silliness (video below, if you close your eyes and you’ll swear you’re listening to Kermit the Frog).

First of all, the monkey in question is a long established mascot for the company not some recent invention dreamt up to stick it to blacks. Secondly, there is nothing demeaning in the ad. On the contrary, the whole point of the commercial is that everyone loves the monkey (and who wouldn’t with a deal like that). And besides, it’s completely understandable that they would be unaware of this uniquely Western faux pas, as Japanese culture reveres the monkey.

And why is no one complaining about similarly questionable American commercials. For instance, a new ad for Johnsonville Bratwurst shows a white man at a BBQ offering a black man chicken to which he responds “Do I look like a chicken guy?” Maybe it’s just because the Japanese ad is in… well Japanese. And people are assuming that narrator’s say bad things about them.

Regardless, people need to lighten up and not be so sensitive. Saying certain things are off limits reeks of fascism. I mean is bondage porn, which can include whips and chains (so I’m told), off limits to blacks because it conjures up images of slave days for some people. Frankly if being turned on by pornstar Jada Fire getting hosed down while suspended in midair (movie clips) is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

David Tennant is on-board for the annual Christmas episode and three specials in 2009 but as for the 5th season, which won’t be until 2010, there’s no word yet. So how can these contradictory facts be reconciled?

Well first off there’s always the possiblity that this is not a full regeneration and it’s more akin to when the doctor recently regrew his hand. But if on the other hand if this is a genuine regeneration, the future specials could be explained away as prequels or perhaps the tenth & eleventh Doctors will meet, which wouldn’t be a first in the series.

The real question is what will/should the next doctor be like, cause let’s face it either way Tennant’s not gonna around forever. The last two Doctors have be remarkably similar in appearance and temperament, that is relatively young eccentric white men. It’s time they switch it up. Why not a female doctor? Or an older incarnation like Doctors one & three? Or even a black Doctor? Or all three, an old sassy black woman (think Whoopi Goldberg as Guinan on Star Trek). I can see it now: the “Doc,” as she will now be known, will tripping through time in a tricked-out TARDIS dispensing pearls of wisdom and opening cans of whoopass on any one that messes with her.

Also expect one of the Doctor’s companions to experience a more permant death in the season finale as foretold by the Dalek Caan. But who will it be? Well the according to Caan it will be the Doctor’s “most faithful” companion. The odds-on favorite for that would be Rose considering her feelings for him and her desperate search to reunite with him. But I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it’s the TARDIS that dies. I mean who’s more faithful then the time machine that’s been with him through every incarnation? And it’s already been well-established that the TARDIS is alive, even Rose said as much when she absorbed its energy in the episode The Parting of Ways. And what bigger finale could there be than the loss of the very thing that defines Doctor Who?

SEASON FINALE UPDATE (spoilers):

I don’t think anyone saw that coming. Not only was there no new Doctor, but now there’s 2 Doctor #10’s? That’s just dumb. Why not have the hand grow into another Doctor #10 but have the original turn into the eleventh Doctor? And his explanation to why he didn’t change is laughable: “I didn’t want to.” So those 9 other times he did? Then switching out the Doctors for Rose was similarly strange, basically saying ‘I love you Rose but my clone needs you more.’ As if that wasn’t bad enough, why on Earth did the Doctor re-strand Rose and the new Doctor back in the parallel universe? What the universe isn’t big enough for 2 Doctors? Talk about fucked up. Finally there was Dalek Caan’s predeiction that someone would die. That was yet another let down. I guess some may argue that Donna losing her memories of the Doctor was the death of the person she’d become… but ain’t one of those people. I don’t think Caan was speaking metaphorically and he never actually said when it would happen so you never know.

Forget the fact that this commercial distorts McCain’s words in which he said he’d be fine with staying in Iraq for 100 years “so long as” our soldiers were safe such as in our bases in Japan & Germany. Not to mention it’s an all-volunteer army.

This from the same liberals who complain of fear-mongering! What could be more menacing then insinuating that if John McCain is elected your baby will die. Well two can play this game, check out L7 World’s 1st political cartoon in the webcomics section (direct link).

When confronting Brainiac, Clark says he has no problem killing him because ‘he’s not a man, he’s a machine.’ Rationalizing the murder of an obviously sentient being is not something Superman would do. Moreover, Clark implausibly kills him with the very electricity Brainiac was using to recharge, albeit in greater dose.

Then there’s Jimmy’s deceiving Lois for Lex, despite his obvious nervousness and the numerous holes in his story. Isn’t Lois Lane suppose to be an ace reporter? Finally in what’s suppose to be the cliffhanger, Clark and Lex face off in the Fortress. And in Lex’s hand he holds the orb that’s key to controlling Clark. Unfortunately, the orb repels Kryptonians, so which one of Superman’s near limitless superpowers does he use to stop Lex?

1. heat vision
2. super breath
3. create a vortex around Lex by using his super speed
4. super clap shock wave
5. umm… throw something at him

Answer: Superman’s least know ability - his powers of persuasion!
 
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