Wonton Food, the country’s largest producer of fortune cookies, is putting dire warnings like “Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” and “It’s over your head now. Time to get some professional help,” into circulation. Before you blow off these predictions as a nonsensical jumble of words, keep in mind that in 2005 Wong Food’s accurately predicted 5 of the 6 winning Powerball numbers. So will this trigger a scene right out of The Twilight Zone with some William Shatner wannabe fiddling away his time and money in a desperate attempt to avoid an ambiguous fate. Sadly no. After receiving complaints from some namby-pamby, Wong Food has removed many of the more ‘questionable’ fortunes. Fortunately, there’s still some of these misfortunes out there (for now anyway) so why not tempt fate and order Chinese tonight.

Click the fortune cookie and learn your own fate!