hack/slash annual suicide girls

I’ve never been a fan of Hack/Slash but I found myself drawn like a moth to a flame upon learning the the Hack/Slash Annual issue features Suicide Girls. For those who don’t know, Suicide Girls is a website devoted to alternative models (i.e. lots of piercings/tats/dyed hair).

Boy was I disappointed.  Reading this was painful. It’s kinda like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but instead of vampires, goth girl Cassie Hack hunts undead being known as Slashers (hack/slash get it?). And this time around, Cassie must bare it all in order to draw out Diaboliq, a slasher & self-styled anarchist, who thinks that the women of the web have distracted him from his grand cause. Nnaturally they all gotta die.

Now I’ll admit I wasn’t reading this for scares, which is good cause there were none, but you’d think a slasher story with pornstars would A.) be hot & B.) be funny. It wasn’t. I’m reminded of one scene in which Cassie’s dim-witted sidekick Vlad attempts to summarize the movie Bikini Carwash for her, “Hur. And then they install a two-way mirror in the training room. Hur. Boobies and funny hijinks” To which Cassie replies, “That’s it? That doesn’t sound very funny.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Apparently no one ever taught writer Tim Seeley – SHOW, DON’T TELL! Rather than see said “boobies” & “hijinks” the characters fequently recount events (hilarity does not ensue). For instance, one the Suicide Girls explains how a rubber “object” saves her from electrocution. It could’ve been a hilariously hot scene, instead Seeley counterintuitively leaves it up to the reader to imagine it.

For a slasher story it’s severely lacking in cleavage (both kinds). In other words it’s basically one big advertisement.

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