teen titans raped Final Crisis Revelations #1

Unless you’ve been hiding under a moon rock, you know Martian Manhunter met his demise earlier this year. We all deal with loss in our own way. Some soldier on. Some cry. And some have rape orgies.

This month’s Final Crisis Revelations #1 opens with Doctor Light celebrating like only Doctor like can – raping the Teen Titans!

Of course they’re not the real Teen Titans, just some poor schlubs who’ll never cosplay again. Fortunately for them the Spectre appears just in time to dispense his unique brand of justice: melting Doctor Light’s body and transforming him into a candle save for his head which he ignites before literally snuffing out Light.

He may have deserved it but what a waste!

Just when Doctor Light was starting to become a major villain again, having recently recovered his mental faculties and powers after losing them thanks to a magical lobotomy courtesy of the Justice League, he dies? He’s already shown that he can go toe-to-toe with the big boys as when he took on both current and former Teen Titans simultaneously. But he never even had a chance to confront Zatanna directly, which would’ve been interesting had he done it while her and Batman were getting close.

Better yet, why not have Doctor Light discover Superman’s identity and rape Lois as revenge for letting the League mind-wipe him. We all know how even Big Blue can lose his cool when someone goes after his family and that would definitely do it. And having Supes murder Light would make for even more compelling reading than when Wonder Woman murdered Max Lord as he doesn’t have the same ability to rationalize. Instead the proverbial boy scout would probably give up superheroing altogether.

But this isn’t the fist time Doctor Light’s died so don’t throw out those chastity belts just yet ladies!