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America is winning over more than just hearts and minds in the War on Terror. The CIA is offering Viagra to Afghan warlords who stand up to the Taliban.

“Whatever it takes to make friends and influence people — whether it’s building a school or handing out Viagra,” said a CIA operative. The warlords (many of whom had never heard of the drug) are now free to have as much sex as they like, unlike their multiple wives (zing).

In a related story, the War on Terror was won early this morning when the CIA bestowed ice to the Arab world.