Dragonball: Evolution

A live-action adaptation of Dragon Ball!? I knew this was gonna be bad. The only question was how bad. Well I got my answer last night, and it’s a disaster. In fairness I saw the shorter Asian version, but I really don’t think an extra 15 minutes of fight scenes is going to sway my opinion.

The characters have been so butchered that they would be unrecognizable if not for their names.

Goku has morphed into a Karate Kid wannabe complete with school bullies who pick on him. Goku promises his grandfather he won’t fight so he let’s these punks hurt themselves by skillfully dodging their attacks (nothing new there either). There’s even a love interest – Chi Chi. But completely out of character it is Goku who is the pursuer, even daydreaming about her while in class. If I remember correctly the only daydreaming Goku might have done about Chi Chi in the anime was that she was food. However, this was apparently not whipped enough for screenwriter Ben Ramsey (Goku’s real archenemy). When Goku’s grandfather tells him it’s up to him to stop the evil alien Piccolo from destorying the world, Goku can’t even be bothered to practice his signature attack, the Kamehameha, until Chi Chi offers him the chance to “get close” to her if he completes his training.

Even the Kamehameha has been girlified.

Gone is dramatic enunciation of the words “Ka-Me-Ha-Me-Haaa!” And rather than something that looks like Buck Rogers strapped together 100 ray guns, all we get is a blue wisp of air flung from Goku’s palm.

If all these references are going right over your head don’t worry – you won’t like the movie either!

The characters, who come outta nowhere with little explanation, are completely forgettable. Probably why their names are plastered all over the trailer. The problem is the story they are trying to tell is too long for your average movie.

If I had all 7 dragonballs, I’d wish this movie was never made.

Things you won’t see in the movie:

  • anthropomorphic characters/talking animals
  • Krillin
  • Yajirobe
  • Tien
  • Chiaotzu
  • Pilaf
  • Kami
  • after-image technique
  • Power pole
  • flying Nimbus
  • humor
  • and much much more!