The Asylum, the film studio famous for cashing in on others’ success with knockbusters like Transmorphers and Snakes on a Train, embarks on destroying the Titanic again.

This time nobody’s safe from icebergs not ships, submarines, airplanes, or even surfers!

The movie opens with a man glacier surfing, a (real) sport where surfers wait for a piece of ice to break off a glacier and fall into the ocean then surf the resulting wave, however the titanic wave washes him away.

Tip of the iceberg.

Scientists warn Coast Guard Captain James Maine (Bruce Davison) that the next piece of ice to break off could be the size of Rhode Island, creating a mega-tsunami of ice. But the warning comes too late for his daughter Amy, a nurse on the Titanic II. To make matters worse, the ship’s owner (and coincidentally Amy’s old boyfriend) Hayden Walsh rushed construction to coincide with the 100th anniversary of the Titanic. Hayden is amalgamation of the male leads from the original movie. He starts of as a snobby socialite but as the movie progress he becomes the honorable man Amy once loved, which might have some resonance if they had any chemistry but their relationship feels more like that of brother & sister and his inevitable watery sacrifice ends up having even less emotional impact than the first time we saw it.

Disastrous effects.

Unlike its predecessor the Titanic II is woefully unimpressive. The camera uses numerous close-ups to avoid showing the painfully obvious CG ship. But the camera can’t hide what’s on the inside or rather what’s not. While people were packed in like sardines in the original Titanic, Titanic II is like ghost ship. When the captain signals the alarm, the passengers panic and literally trip over themselves! There are so few extras that some of them can’t even find someone to bump into and simply collapse. Worse, when the ship (read: camera) tilts a passenger leans the wrong way and appears to repel rather than fall down the railing. He manages to make his way through a door and the ships is magically level again. It makes Batman walking up the side of a building look realistic.

Steer clear of Titanic II.

Despite being a disaster movie there’s absolutely no drama. Instead it wastes energy on whittling down the survivors to Amy and Hayden as though that in and of itself is drama enough.

At one point Amy loosely tapes a credit card to one of her injured friends to stop the bleeding, keep in mind this happens in the sickbay! Apparently, she went to the Macgyver School of Medicine, and the Director went to the Ed Wood School of Film.