Mall Santa Told to Keep Hands His Off Kids
Brits are seeing pedophiles everywhere since learning their beloved media personality Jimmy Savile was molesting children for years. Harrods, one of London’s most popular department stores, isn’t taking any chances. Santa is under strict orders to keep his hands visible at all times, according to an unnamed source. He’ll be monitored via CCTV and be escorted by an elf at all times.

“It is political correctness gone mad,” said the source. “But following all the press coverage of Jimmy Savile, bosses felt they could take no chances and decided to take out strict preventative measures. They couldn’t risk nervous parents misconstruing anything. Not surprisingly, poor Father Christmas feels incredibly restricted in what he can and cannot say; he wouldn’t have these problems in Lapland.”

The original article has disappeared from the Daily Mail, Mirror, and Telegraph but a cached copy can be seen here. Either the source was as fake as Santa or there’s yet another coverup going on.

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