If you’re not a teenager or a Megan Fox fanatic then this might not be the movie for you. It begins with the overused convention of starting at the end of the story. Jennifer’s BFF Needy is locked up in a psychiatric hospital narrating how she got there and how her friend is not like other girls. You see, Jennifer has a body to die for, literally. After she goes for a ride with a band called Low Shoulder, Jennifer shows up at Needy’s doorstep covered in blood. And although Needy never actually witnesses Jennifer kill anyone, she’s able to sense it. How you ask? Their BFFs duh! (believe me it makes about as much sense as anything else in this movie)
There’s a nauseating amount of kid-speak and slang particularly by Jennifer, who sounds annoying even when using words like sexually provocative words like wetty. I found myself praying for her painful demise but unfortunately I couldn’t root for the protagonist either. Despite being the only one aware of Jennifer’s extra curricular activities, Needy never seems motivated to do anything about it that is until the seductress goes after her boyfriend. However her anger seems misplaced as the two aren’t really that close. In fact, when Jennifer lies and tells him Needy’s cheating on him he readily believes it and proceeds to make out with her on the spot.
After some quick reading up on demonology at the school library, Needy discovers Jennifer’s one weakness: getting stabbed in the heart, which come to think of it pretty much kills, uh… everything!
It’s not until much too late that the story finally starts to get interesting and we learn in a very funny flashback that (SPOILER) Low Shoulder created this she beast during a botched sacrifice to Satan in order to boost their sales. But then it’s right back to more whiny kids.
My biggest gripe about Jennifer’s Body is that the soundtrack doesn’t include Maneater by Daryl Hall & John Oates. I suppose they thought it was just too old school for kids today, but they could have at least done a modern cover of it. I’ve put together my own music video so you can enjoy Megan’s Body without Megan’s mouth.
