Political correctness is once again at loggerheads with tradition. The Surgeon General is placing the blame for America’s rising obesity epidemic squarely on the ample shoulders of jolly old Saint Nick, saying that because Santa is a role model for kids he should slim down.

First of Santa, Santa is NOT A ROLE MODEL!  A role model is someone you emulate, and I’m sorry but the role of Santa is taken. Unless we’re strictly talking about mall Santas, and if your kids want to grow up to be a mall Santa obesity is the least of your problems.

They’ve already taken away Santa’s pipe, now his belly, there was even a report by the Sweco consulting firm saying Santa should relocate to Kyrgyzstan for optimal present delivery. What these knuckleheads are forgetting is… COVER YOUR EYES KIDS …Santa isn’t real. Santa’s immutable, he doesn’t age, he doesn’t get heart disease, and he doesn’t come out of the closet (looking at you San Francisco) – he comes outta the chimney! What’s next, telling Paul Bunyan to seek medical attention for gigantism.