still ONLY $3.99!?When it comes to comic book couples there’s only one that amounts to a hill of beans and it ain’t Clark Kent & Lois Lane (unless I do a story on them in the future). Spider-Man loves Mary Jane so much that in one story set in an alternate future he literally fucked her to death with his radioactive sperm (seriously read the Reign miniseries).

Poor Pete’s been through a lot in the past year: having his secret identity revealed, becoming a fugitive, trademark infringement on his costume by the Scarlet Spiders, and to top it all off his adoptive mother Aunt May was shot and put into a coma! But that all changes in Amazing Spider-Man #545.

Pushed to his limit Peter will do anything to save Aunt May: run guilt trips on Tony Stark, steal from Tony Stark, beat up Tony Stark, even do non-Tony Stark related things like consult psychics, but just when all hope seems lost, who should show up, but the retcon monster – Mephisto (aka the Devil) ! All Peter & MJ have to do is renounce their love & memories of each other for all time past/present/future and Mephisto will not only save Aunt May, he’ll make everyone forget Spider-Man’s identity. Is the Devil fair or what?

Not! After begrudgingly agreeing to his terms the King of Zing quickly finalizes the contract but not before showing them the daughter they’ll never have now. Duh, play with the Devil you’re gonna get burned.

But would any sane person really take such a dubious deal? Even Mary Jane initially tries to dissuade Peter, pointing out Aunt May’s age. I mean, what is she like 120 now? Of course, Peter contends that he could accept her death if it were the result of natural causes, but since she was shot because of Spider-Man, he couldn’t live with that.

UMM… HELLO!? Did Peter just spontaneously forget about Uncle Ben and how he died as a result of Spider-Man’s inaction! So I ask you, what’s so great about May Park anyway: all those times she insulted Spider-Man before she knew who he really was, her condemnation of Peter when she found out he was Spider-Man, or all the times Peter had to save her sorry geriatric butt? Congrats May Parker for 46 years of being in the way you win the L7 World No-Prize.

[Where are the Monitors when you need ’em]