Wonton Food, the country's largest producer of fortune cookies, is putting dire warnings like “Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” and “It’s over your head now. Time to get some professional help,” into circulation. Before you blow off these predictions as a nonsensical jumble of words, ... [Read More]

Pamela Anderson isn't taking any chances. After all, this is the King of Kings we're talking about. Fearing Jesus may be following her incognito, Pamela is bending over backwards and giving assets away to any bum who asks. It's just like that Jesus to use deception, but one wonders just how many homeless people the mega-star ... [Read More]

Since losing the gold on a technicality, the Koreans have been fighting-mad. Now with neither side willing to share in the glory, Korea is on the attack using their trump card--Kung Fu. Fueled by fury, Moon Dae Sung(left, in red) crushed the competition and brought home a gold for South Korea.At the award ceremony, Moon was ... [Read More]

Miami based wholesaler, Lisy Corp. is recalling this toy(pictured left), which depicts the tragedy of Sept. 11th, only after receiving several customer complaints. Luis Padron, Lisy's national sales manager, argued that their importer buys toys in bulk, sight unseen, so they hold the supplier responsible. If Lisy Corp. ... [Read More]

Contrary Senator John McCain's appeals to 'agree that the Vietnam War is over', the recent attacks by partisan veteran advocacy groups have demonstrated the need for a recognized arbitrator. While the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) declined any official comment, Lame News was able to get this exclusive interview with war hero ... [Read More]

You may have never seen a single cartoon, but say the words 'Hello Kitty' and multitude of merchandise comes to mind. Whether you longed for mom to get you that cute shiny plastic backpack bearing this kitsch cat or dreaded it for fear of school beatings, we've all been touched by this little lady (some more than others, check ... [Read More]

Or so some Chinese believe. The Flower Horn Fish's massive melon is said to enhance its owner's feng-shui (good mojo), but the real magic is in its horizontal black markings. Some of these marking resemble Chinese characters, and supposedly have predicted winning lotto numbers for their owners.The Flower Horn Fish is a Cichlid ... [Read More]