Commercial disclaimers are the fine print at the bottom of the TV screen that tries to dissuade you from mimicking what you see with phrases like “professional driver,” “closed course,” “dramatization,” “fictionalization,” “do not attempt,” or “don’t try this at home.” But sometimes these warnings are for things that no one would, or even could, do. Not surprisingly, they usually appear in American commercials, home of the lawsuit. The following is a list of the funniest, weirdest, and just plain dumbest disclaimers of all time.
* Disclaimer disclaimer: I know for a fact some commercials are missing from the list, not least of which include: a Hyundai car crowd surfing on people, a man attaching a rocket to his car to fly to the moon, a guy who can afford to hit his satellite with a golf club during a storm after offsetting his stupid at Burger King, and a new car dropping on and replacing an old car in some kind of magical car dealer drive-thru, but regrettably I couldn’t find those. Feel free to add any I may have missed.
65. Dairy Queen commercial: Do not stick your tongue in a blender while plugged in AND your finger on the button.
64. Quiznos commercial: Do not attempt to eat money.
63. Powerade commercial: Do not attempt to surf hurricane waves.
62. Allstate commercial: Do not attempt to look at man pretending to be woman while driving.
61. Allstate commercial: Do not stand on a tree limb and bounce up and down.
60. Nexium Commercial: Do not use car jacks on your bed (especially with your cat still on it).
59. Nexium Commercial: Do not chug from a water cooler.
58. Chrysler Town and Country commercial: Do not attempt escape bullies in an Indiana Jone-esque manner.
57. Degree commercial: Do not unicycle down a mountain.
56. Bridgestone commercial: Do not swerve to avoid squirrels (they’re just squirrels).
55. Post-it Super Sticky Notes commercial: “Just kidding. Cannot support a child.”
54. Post-it Super Sticky Notes commercial: “Just kidding. Cannot support a dog.”
53. Ratchet and Clank commercial: Do not ride lawnmowers on the street (before looking both way).
52. Ratchet and Clank commercial: Do not attempt to reverse engineer video game weapons.
51. Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut commercial: Do not try to ride your dog like horse.
50. Dairy Queen commercial: Do not run through a car wash.
49. Dairy Queen commercial: Do not strap yourself to the hood of a car and steal ice cream from the truck in front of you. (deleted)
49. Dairy Queen commercial: Do not clown around while driving.
48. Dairy Queen commercial: Do not recline at traffic lights to enjoy your stolen ice cream. (deleted)
48. Dairy Queen commercial: Do not attempt to water ski box.
47. Dannon Light & Fit commercial: No matter how tasty it is, “Please pay for all items.”
46. Toyota Tacoma commercial: Do not leave your vehicle on the beach during high tide.